Thursday, January 21, 2010

Day Twenty, Gift Twenty

I was having a lot of discomfort today. I couldn't even get out of bed to go to my massage, which I knew was going to be a problem with muscle pain, but I was just too weak and tired, nauseous and my head was killing me. Driving was not an option. Around 1pm, I had to get myself out of bed for an annual meeting at my house with one of the kids disability workers. This is an important meeting that determines the kids services for the year and without doing it and doing it today, I would lose all the respite and therapies. I did not feel I had the option to cancel and attended in my pajamas. The caseworker asked me if I was feeling OK, and I told her no, I was ill. I had a really difficult time getting through the meeting, I was having a lot of pain and my kidneys were really hurting as well.

We rushed through the meeting and was able to wrap it up in about 1 1/2 hours (these are usually 2-3hr meetings) and that's when I went straight back to bed. I just locked my door behind me as the kids were pounding on it to talk to me, but I just couldn't and I went back to sleep immediately. The respite provider was here, but they always prefer to come and ask me millions of questions :-). I woke up around dinner time and came down and they were being fed a yummy dinner delivered by one of the gals in my meal co-op. My father-in-law, Tata, was here and the kids were thoroughly enjoying his attention...shortly after, Tim came through the door and our respite provider left to bring the kids to their church program - she had been here for over twelve hours at that point...a long day.

I was dragging my feet and feeling awful when my father-in-law said "You really need to eat something, I'm worried about you..." I just sighed. I was totally overwhelmed, knowing that I was starting the 500 calorie diet the next day and I needed to prepare the specific foods so I didn't eat something I wasn't suppose to. But I was just so uncomfortable. I started to mix up the apple cider dressing while Tim went to work preparing chicken. We baked a couple things while I sat there, but I wasn't able to make even a quarter of what I was hoping to. Then I blurted out, completely defeated, "Well, I haven't done my gift today and I don't want to...I just want to give up!" Tim responded with, "You've come too far to give up now." "Really?" I said, "I'm only day 20 into 365 days! That's not far at all and I don't have a gift today and it's already 8pm!" "OK, hop on the internet and donate a few dollars to a charity," he said.

I sighed as I walked to the couch, "What a lame gift" I muttered. "Glad to see the positive attitude" he joked. "Don't you remember the high you had after the restaurant gift?" "That was days ago," I said, "and that was the last good day I've had!" I opened up the computer hoping to find some kind of inspiration to help my foul mood when the phone rang. No one ever calls me this late as they know I'm sleeping so early. I was shocked to see it was Justin's birth mother and eagerly answered. She typically doesn't call me and shows up only about once a year to see him. However, she had another baby about a month ago and called me after that and seems to be getting her life on track. She was calling to check on Justin...I was pleasantly surprised and bragged all about his achievements and we set up a date in the near future for her to see him. That's when she asked me if it would be too much trouble to send her a picture of him over the cell phone and she'd send me one of the baby. I said, "Of course, I've never done it before, but I'll figure it out!"

As I hung up, I shouted to Tim excitedly, "I've got my gift for today!" Justin and the kids were just coming back from their church group at about 8:30pm when I got the text of the new baby. He was so cute and I showed him to Justin who laughed and smiled at the picture. Then I told Justin I needed him to smile for me and Tata and Tim danced around singing "Elmo's World" until Justin let out the biggest grin ever! Snap! "I got it!" I shouted.

I sent the picture to his birth mom with the message "luv u!" and she wrote back, "He looks so big and cute!" Which of course, is nothing but the truth. My good attitude was back and I spent the rest of the evening laughing and visiting with Tata and Tim.