Monday, January 11, 2010

Day Eleven, Gift Eleven

Acts 20:35 of the Bible states, "It's better to give than receive."  There is nothing that I can think of that is more true than this.  My spirit is in a better place than ever and I'm more aware of my happiness that ever.  The spiritual advisor in Cami Walker's book said:

"Healing doesn't happen in a vacuum, but through our interaction with other people.  By giving, you are focusing on what you have to offer others, inviting more abundance into your life.  Giving of any kind is a positive action that begins the process of change.  It will shift your energy for life."  ~Mbali Creazzo
I feel my energy is changing by the day, it is increasingly positive, I am accepting gifts better, and I am more aware of intentional giving.  The reason the prescription states you must start over if you miss a day during your 29 days is because the energy continues to grow day by day and if you miss a day it depletes the energy.  For more information on this read "29 Gifts" by Cami Walker.

Last night after my blog entry I could not fall asleep, I am suffering from quite a bit of back and leg pain.  I had surgery on my lower lumbar spine over two years ago...I was told one of the complications is scar tissue growing and / or another part of the spine creating a budging disk.  Since immediately after the surgery, I have experienced significant nerve damage on my left side and throbbing pain down my left leg to my ankle every minute of every day.  I have found that with weekly massage and acupuncture are the only way to manage the pain.  The massages are not a "fluff and buff", they are usually so painful that I cry through it.  However, if I don't have them the pain is absolutely unbearable.  The bed rest has only perpetuated the problem.  I have grown such a tolerance to Vicadin that it doesn't help anymore.  I spent half the night awake with my leg throbbing.  I was terrified I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning to get all the kids on the bus.  I was very worried that I was going to lose the positive energy that I had built up from the day, but lo and behold, I didn't!

I woke up this morning, tired, but a "normal" tired if that makes any sense.  I was able to get all the kids ready and on the bus on time and barely broke a sweat.  I had a bunch of work to get done on the computer so I worked on that for about an hour and then decided to take a nap until about 9am.  At that point, I woke up Dakota and had him get going on his homeschooling.  I was thrilled as I was focused and had more energy than usual (I have been off of the bad meds for two full days now).  I was able to do one on one homeschooling for an hour and a half.  We both really enjoyed it.

After this I decided to focus on my gift for the day.  My best friend is in need of some financial planning for her future.  I knew she needed to work with a professional but with her crazy work schedule I also knew getting involved with someone was going to be next to impossible.  So, I called around, found a great person and set up for them to call her after her work hours.  I was very pleased with my gift.  Then around lunch time, I got up and showered as my respite provider came in to meet Justin and Abbey off of the bus.  After lunch Abbey and I played the Wii, we did yoga and hula hooping...she is quite skilled for three years old!  I was even more thrilled to see I have lost another pound and a half since yesterday!  Following this I sat in on Justin's music therapy session in our home and was able to give the therapist great feedback and got some quality time with Justin.  Shortly after, Jamie and Kaylee came home from school and I gave them cookies for a snack and got them going on their schedule.

I gotta say, I was really thrilled with myself and up to this point, I was having a pretty perfect day.  I was feeling great and had spent more time in one single day with the kids than I have in the past month.  Then the phone rang, it was the doctors office, they had my MRI results and they were seriously abnormal around the sight of my surgery.  I needed to be seen as soon as possible.  This is not good news, it means that either I have another buldging disk or the scar tissue is pinching nerves...sigh.  The last surgery put me in a cast for six weeks and I wasn't allowed to lift the children for any of that time.  My mom had to leave her job, fly across the country and care for me and the kids (this was before we qualified for respite care).

I have a doctors appointment for this Wednesday.  This problem has nothing to do with my recent diagnosis that I'm dealing with, however, my back problems are aggravated by the bed rest, the bed rest is a result of my diagnosis, so it's a vicious cycle.  I'm on so many medications right now that my stomach is completely raw with ulcers and I can hardly eat.  I'm drinking pepto bismol like it's juice.  I know the treatments of my back problems and unfortunately it's exercise, medication, and surgery...sigh...I'm trying to get my twenty pills a day down to a modest three or four ideally.  I'm not down, just a bit nervous.  The surgery was extremely painful and tramatic to the kids who were all under the age six and couldn't be held by their mommy.  Not to mention, somebody is messing with your spine...with a knife...scary.  I need to digest this new information, but it will not dissuade me from my challenge!  Don't forget to check in for tomorrow's'll be a surprise because I don't even know what it is yet :-).